Oh Gosh it has been a long time! I am sorry it has taken me this long to update. For those who do not know me...

I am a Mother with birth and chosen family... all with different special needs. Not only can dealing with their varying abilities often be incredibly isolating (we are often judged by others), but we live where we do not have a lot of access to friendships and commaraderie. It IS often taxing to say the least. I am solitary in more ways than one.

I am so sad to say I really do not have wonderful news or updates. I just want to say for those who do "know me" and have looked for us out there...how I miss y'all. How I miss FRUA and all the support we had while commiserting with each other about the SDA overhaul. (Hi Zipper the Cat! :-)!!!)

But unfortunately, at the last that I went to FRUA with such incredible wrenching in my gut stress (over our daughter's false allegations of abuse against a teacher~that she LOVED no less) I had a less than warm welcome of input. Only a handful really were sympathetic. One long time poster in particular came across as downright rude...basically thought it ridiculous to document that my daughter admitted "It was all a lie mama...I made it all up!" "What would that accomplish?" she asked???

In my opinion...I am all for turning the other cheek so to speak, but I am not about getting a proverbial kick in the behind (let alone legal problems) by a child who cannot stop lying, and enjoys hurting others. Turn the other cheek??? Not this time! This time we decided to cover our "assets" and not only run to a RAD Therapist...who not only said she is "severely RAD" but "absolutely you MUST document those false allegations of abuse" not just for you...for the next teacher...the babysitter...the family members who come to visit. No one is safe from this type of heinous false allegation!

I wrote it in English and Russian...and she signed both in front of the RAD therapist, who also signed it, as well as both of us (T & J).

I am glad we went with our gut feelings and this time did not allow the negative posters to sway our opinion of what was right.
I have found that when I do not go with my gut feelings things do not go well. Basically I knew that it was right to document this.

I have beeen raised, and have also raised my (bio) son with an expression that my mother learned from her mother (and no doubt my great grandmother) that:

"The worst truth is better than a lie" I live my life by this, honestly.

I was told when my baby boy was 22 months old "He is a perfect candidate for ritalin!!" by a world famous neurologist at The Dan Marino Center in Broward County, Fl. When I asked him "You want me to narcoticize my, not yet 2 year old baby??? I don't think so...let's first see what early intervention can do for him!" " He told me "you need to get used to the fact that your child may never talk!" I never returned.

My son (who I have homeschooled for the last 3 years because of abuse and endangerment he endured in the school system) is pure goodness and has emerged from the chokehold of moderate to severe autism. He still has special needs..and he is just a great kid. HE is my hero! He came back after much blood, sweat, tears and occupational, physical and speech therapies from his silence.

A couple of years ago he (the child who was never supposed to talk) began asking for a brother and sister.

I almost died in childbirth, and due to health concerns, we looked into adoption.

So for the last 2 1/2 years before we got to go, we were mangled and tangled in a paper "pregnancy" to get our kids home from Ukraine. We went for one boy (but were hoping for a 2nd child) and came home with a girl as well.

The Honeymoon is now over and the constant stream of all day, daily lies, stealing, hording food, hiding toys, hiding broken toys has been a constant, and we are doing all we can do to unlearn this behaviors in the two newer additions, that is SO ingrained in them. They have learned to do these things in order to endure neglect and abuse or abandonement.

They have been lying to themselves since infancy: "my belly doesn't hurt from hunger, my wet or soiled diaper does not burn my tender flesh, I am not crying on and on for a Mama that doesn't come when I need her" and eventually all that emotion, pain, and wonder turns something off, in one so little.

Eventually they become so unnatached and mistrusting of grownups, they learn to charm and manipulate to get their needs met. They don't love grownups, they use them for survival.

It is no wonder they do not care about the obvious lies, or stealing things from my room or my other son's room when this sweet and giving kid would gladly say "here take it". They would rather take when they can ask and most definately receive (they are getting over on him and us by taking) and they would sooner lie than say the truth, even when the truth is very obvious.

Two nights ago I went down the street alone with my husband to pick up a Rx...something I never have the luxury to do, but my mom was in town. So we went while she stayed with the kids. We were back in about 20 minutes and I see my daughter coming out of my room. I have caught her in my room in the past and my drawers were all disturbed, and she is now not alowed in there when we are not in there. So even with something that was so obvious, she lied and said she was in my son's room which is on the complete other side of the house. She could lie to my face straight away, and deny where she was, when there was NO denying where she was. I found a box of jewelry opened and a perfume bottle on the floor by the doorway (as if she threw it there before leaving the room when she heard us at the door) I have jewelry missing. There are toys missing. There is acting out on each and every holiday. There have been numerous hospitalizations. Sexual precocious behavior.

My calm and peaceful loving life is turned upside down everyday.

Where there was truth there is now deception and theft...where there was love and serenity there is now manipulation and mayhem. Everyday there is crisis as I discover them in lies or stealing or breaking another's' possesions. Everyday there are promises that it will never happen again only to have the rise of the next days sun, beget more lies!

And yet they ARE my children.. and they are broken. By another's deed's

...with scars so deep that 18 months after meeting them, we still have no idea how deep.

I have had an overwhelming loyalty to them to get to the bottom of all the hurts, and rise above.

BUT... this has had absolutely devastating effects on our home-grown child...he was an adored special needs child. That had respect for us and was always offered choices...and that worked. He has never known anger in his life until this past year and a half. He never needed to. There is an innocence in special needs kids that is so endearing. That they often carry into adulthood.

He has lost a LOT of that innocence witnessing too much..and for the last year plus, he has had to watch my daughter putting her hands on me. He once tried to stop her and she hauled off and punched him in the chest...and he has asthma.

I have had to tell him numerous times over the last year "go to your room and take the little one with you" while he cried from behind the locked door "Mama are you OK?" This has been excrutiating for him...I will not even say an excrutiating adjustment...there is no adjusting to this.

Yes they have had pain in their young lives...

...but now he is in pain...everyday. As well, we all are.

I have been battered since this adoption, and thankfully my husband started taking photos. If I bore these bruises from a man everyone would say "get out" "leave him" but because it has been by a child...everyone has looked away.

Originally we thought of adopting through foster care...but went off in a Ukrainian direction due to my heritage. Had these kids (both) been adopted through the foster care system their bio would have stated..."needs to be an only child" "Best with a single Mom" that type of info. But alas Ukraine bios do not read that way, they are shabby at best.

We feel that our daughter's birth certificate was falsified. We were adamant about NOT changing the birth order, Our process took twice as long as it was supposed to...5 1/2 weeks no court datein site...a return trip that should have yeilded a court date shortly thereafter another 5 + weeks. They asked us if we wanted to change the info on our son. and we now feel the delay was due to changing her documents. Everyone in the medical profession, thought she was much older than 8 shortly after she came home.

There are the days I feel I cannot go on....incredibly enough as the Lord will have it, those days are never the days my husband feels that way, he will pull me through those days with his "we WILL get through this" and his low days are never mine as well. That is a Blessing!

I have an incredible husband...we are together 19 years and in May had a 12 year wedding anniversary in September. Autism tears apart most families. We have survived that. And I absolutely, unequivocally still do believe in True Love and that it does exist!

I often wonder what I did to my family, desiring more children and siblings for our older son. I cry and ask "why did I think what we had wasn't enough?" I didn't really think it wasn't enough, but I had serenity and love and happiness..but when we entertained the thought of more children in our family, we were so excited about it.

My downfall would be (I hope it is not really a fault or weakness, because I still want to have faith) is my big, fat, wide open loving nature. One of my good points, that I did not know as a sensitive, poetry writing, young girl, (that I learned as a woman)... is that I am stronger than I know!

I still miss FRUA by the way. But how can I go back there and not tell my friends what a nightmare we have been living? No one wants to hear the war stories while they are in search of their little angels. We are at war (with RAD)..every morning we go off to battle here...and there is no end... (and very little hope) in site. I feel we are sacrificing who we are and cannot be the parents we have always been and would like to be.

We have; AGGRESSION, LYING, STEALING, RUNNING OUT THE DOOR, PROVOKING, OBNOXIOUSNESS, BLOOD CURDLING SCREAMS, DROWNING OUT, SELF INJURY, CUTTING, SPITTING ON FLOORS, WALLS AND OTHERS, WIPING SNOT ON WALLS, BEDS, COUCH, OTHER, PUSHING BUTTONS, RUDENESS, FRESHNESS TO ELDERLY RELATIVES, SWEETIEPIE CHARMING BEHAVIOR WITH STRANGERS, BLAMING SIBLINGS, BREAKING ONE'S POSSESSIONS, BREAKING OTHER'S POSSESSIONS, RIPPING THINGS, DESTROYING PROPERTY (THEIR ROOM) AND OTHER ROOMS IN HOUSE, TRIANGULATION, ENTITLEMENT, DEFECATING ON THE COUCH, DEFECATING IN THE POOL, FALSE ACCUSATIONS AGAINST A TEACHER and HURTING OF OUR ANIMALS,


Please do NOT post anything negative here...prayers, yes...we cannot deal with criticism at this point. We are a family in pain and torment...trying everything we can to deal with where we are.

I got back here as fast as I could. Thank you for checking back in!

t & j

PS I am editing this post to indicate that the trip to the pharmacy was not 2 nights ago, it was several months ago, I wrote part of that passage for the RAD therapist, and squeezed that in here. A lot has changed since then. Since things are always missing (toys, contact lens case, Nintendo game, jewelry etc)...my bedroom door is always locked with my purse inside. I walk around all day long with a key on my wrist. So for anyone wondering why if there is stealing going on why the bedroom door was unlocked. My daughter has figured out how to get in. I feel like a warden in my home.

PS2 Sorry about the caps... I turned caps on, for the first letter of the word to stress the strength of the word, and then forgot to turn it off.